The Journey of Reunion-An adoptee's story

I am a 25 year old adoptee in reunion with my birth parents for less than a year. I focus on the reunion itself, the feelings that it has caused, and a look at the highs,lows and in between!

Friday, July 21, 2006

I'm baaaaaaack

Yes, it has been a long time. I have been doing OK. Honestly, I have been dating a lot and just plain have not had the energy to keep up with this. I felt inspired to post tonight because dating and rejection goes hand in hand with what I have experienced in my reunion. It's interesting to me how much these two fit together so closely. When my boyfriend, Chris broke up with me I was very blind-sided. He was my best friend that I could trust and depend on. He was definitely my safe place during the roller coaster of my reunion. So, to be rejected by him and my birthmother in the same year I must say has taken a toll on me. This is why it is hard for me to date. I try to "just have fun" but I get so emotionally attached to people so quickly -- it brings up the same emotions I had when my birthmom was "rejecting" me. I use reject lightly because she didn't totally shut me out of her life, but she also didn't give me the kind of relationship that I so desperately wanted and needed. I find myself being obsessed now with dating when before it was with my journey of adoption. I really feel like I want to date...and eventually get married to find that connection I've always been needing. I fear it will never happen in my life. I feel it's the one area I'm cursed. I have a great job, a good education, great family and friends-- but I'm "that girl" that will always fail at relationships. I'm one of those codependent compliant people that always want to make everyone happy and put the needs of others in front of my own. I am trying to break that behavior as soon as possible. I also find that I analyze all these new relationships just as much as I analyzed why my birthmom was not writing me back. Now, I analyze why this guy I went out on a date with hasn't called or wonder if he'll reject me down the line. I have a long road to travel I'm afraid to say. I'm getting through it, and I'll make it but I think its going to be a challenge. For right now, I'm doing my best to focus on myself, grow my relationship with God, get in shape, go to counseling and all in all build my self-esteem and be happy with myself before I jump into another solid relationship. I just wanted to update since it has been so long. More later....

3 Comments:

Blogger suz said...

yeah! welcome back stacy! glad to read you again. definitely missed you but totally understand the need for space, time, etc. for your real life.

5:42 AM  
Blogger CoachesWife said...

Im glad you are back!

12:09 PM  
Blogger CoachesWife said...

update this thing!!!!!!!

9:55 AM  

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