People just don't get it.

After all I have been through this year: The shock, confusion, grief, sadness, and fear I wouldn't change it for the world. I guess I am full of a lot of complaining lately on here just because I don't like to complain a lot to my girlfriends. I was talking to my co-worker the other day about how I think I found my cousin's birthmom! I am so excited for her. My coworker is not very sensitive about this issue, and says some things that she just doesn't understand. For starters, she said You would want to put her through everything you went through already? Well if I had the choice to do this all over again I would do it in a heartbeat. It's been rough, but with anything in life that is such a huge change- ie: moving, having babies, getting married, graduating there is a time to grieve and adjust to your new life. How could I NOT do it or search? That's what I wanted to say. For me, it wasn't an option I had to find my birth mom and I knew I would someday. She was/is a part of me and always will be. It is true as it is with many people that I gave up many times and thought I would forever but I really believe everything happens in the right timing.

So anyways, I did some poking around on the internet and I think I might have found my cousins birth mom. Honestly, maybe a small part of me is doing it for selfish reasons too because I want to be able to experience this with someone I am close to. To be able to talk about our feelings because she is in my same family. She will understand. The other part of me is VERY happy for her, and I hope it turns out for the best. I feel in my heart that it will. Another thing my coworker said that really pissed me off was she thinks my parents shouldn't have told me I was adopted so I wouldn't have to go through all of this grief. Do people really think this way? Wow! I was just in shock. She thought what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me. Well, it just would have magnified my sense of NOT belonging and I would have thought something was wrong with me growing up. Why don't I fit? Why don't I look like anyone in my family? I can't even imagine. It was like acting as though my birth family doesn't matter, they don't really exist and I am not a part of them. It really hurt me actually. I am who I am partly because of my birth mom and Chuck-daddy. I think a lot of people are affect by the environment a great deal, but I think I inherited more of my traits from my birth family than my a-parents. I used to think the other way around. I just think the ignorance of people sometimes is frustrating. Many more bad things would have come out of my parents not being honest with me, so I am very thankful they were truthful about this.. Most people just don't understand, do they? Ugh!