I can see the rainbow through the rain
Focus on the positive in life, this should be my mantra. Lately, I feel like I've been throwing a little pity party for myself. Things could be worse, couldn't they? I'm not saying I shouldn't express my feelings about my process, but it hasn't been all bad and I don't want to give off that impression. It's been a PROCESS and I am taking the good and bad that come with it. Like all things in life, you gotta take a risk every once in a while, and I'm glad I did. The following quote is from my birth mom and I have it printed out at work. I try to read it every day:
"May today there be peace within. May you trust your highest power that
you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the
infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that
you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you....
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.... Let this presence
settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance,
praise and love. It is there for each and every one of you." ~St.
Therese
This quote really gives me peace. I really cherish it, because I think she is such an intelligent person. Everything she writes me, I can tell she has put a lot of thought behind it, and that's what I appreciate. . Although I want to be closer with my birth mom, I have really wonderful relationships that I have established. Of course most of the time, I've been writing about my grievances, but there are some very positive things I have gained as well:
1) understanding myself better as a person
2) Knowing I have a whole other extended family that accepts me for who I am.
3) Realizing miracles really do happen
4) Developing a closer relationship with God
5) Finding out I have three fabulous siblings I hope to meet someday
6) Perserverance: I know i can overcome anything - my feelings of grief and insecurity
7) Feeling truly loved
8) Having a bond with someone I never knew existed
9) Learning that I really have solid, true friends to listen to me and count on
10) I made my lifelong dream a reality!
Sometimes I have to pinch myself that I really do know my birth parents now. It's a relief! Finally no more wondering, no more mysteries. Who are they? Where did I get my sense of humor, my singing voice? I now know! Has it been scary? Hell YES! Has it been rocky? Of course! Has it been worth it? OMG YES in every way!
"The darkness is passing away, and true light is already shining." 1 John 2:8
posted by stacy @ 7:47 PM
5 Comments:
Hi Stacy!
I have that quote by Mother Theresa taped on my desk. It is one of my favorite quotes of all time.
I am so happy your reunion is going well and can't wait to read more of your blog.
I will add you to my links if that's alright?
Have a beautiful day!
Mia,
Sure you can! Sure there have bumps along the way, but it's all been worth it in my eyes. Thanks for adding me!
Stacy, this post totally reminds me of a song by the band Blindside that I always find really comforting. The song is called "When I Remember":
A cloud moves in, rain falls, thunder strikes
And sunshine breaks through the clouds
I can cry out of sorrow and joy
Every drop of rain turns to crystal in the sun
I'm not forgotten
I'm in your thoughts cause I feel sunshine in the rain
This will be a bit long..I'm going to apologize for that in advance.
I am a reunited birthmom. Tom and I reunited in 1999. He was 27 when we met for the second time.
After reading your blog it became achingly apparent to me how differently a man and a woman process the adoption and reunion journey.
I was 18 when I gave Tom up for adoption in 1971. A product of a Catholic girls school in Pennslyvania, I got pregnant the September after I graduated. I was so not ready to be a mother...I was still a baby myself. Giving Tom up to the Universe was absolutely the best thing I could have done for him. Miraculously it worked out the way it was supposed to. He was raised by a wonderful, loving family. The word adoption was not a forbidden word, he knew from the beginning that he was adopted. He has often said that his life was never lacking, he never felt that void that most adoptees feel.
Our first couple of meetings were stilted, akward, uncomfortable. I know why now, but then it just felt wierd. Adoption reunion 7 years ago was still a pretty strange social phenomena, with no real written rules...what to expect, how to think about things, what the next steps are, etc. We kinda went thru the whole process by the seat of our pants. It worked for us. I have remained active in the adoption forum that I belonged to when I found out how to search and
one of the things that I've noticed in reunions is that expectations sometimes have a tendency to run very high, sometimes leading to a train wreck. I think the biggest culprit is that one of both sides of the adoptee/birthparent part of the triad expect that since they are genetically bound, that they will also be emotionally and mentally bound. One or both lose sight of the fact that this is two adults meeting for the first time and like any other relationship in life, it's something that grows. You have to get to know each other, even though, many times, the connection is instantaneous. How you "fit" in to each others lives only comes with time. Tom and I took 5 years until we finally figured out how we work together. I've not felt a "maternal" feeling towards him, being very honest, but we are joined on a very base level. We interact and "are" with each other like siblings. And again, that's just us. One of the things that we vowed in the very begining was to be brutally honest with each other about everything and anything. The result has given us a lovely and loving releationship. We think so much alike that it's uncanny and a wonderful thing.
So, Stacy, I guess my advice to you is to keep doing what you're doing. You're getting to the good part now!!
Here's another bonus to ponder...if and when you ever start your own family, your children may be lucky enough to have 3...count them...3 grandmothers!!! How special is that!!!???
Best of luck to you and your bmom and your amom in your journeys. All 3 very special women!
I'm still trying to figure out blog.spot and gmail, but I never check my gmail account. The one I used is pammcrae@yahoo.com. FYI
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