Chuck-daddy!

I must say this whole blog thing is very therapeutic for me. Usually when I first start a "blog" I get bogged down, so to speak because I feel as though I don't have anything very deep to share. I guess when it comes to the adoption topic I could write pages and pages worth. This whole experience has pretty much consumed my life for the past year. It's always been there below the surface, but after I found my birth parents it was the central focal point for most of my waking moments. Well, since so far I have elaborated quite a bit about my birth mother I would like to share my story about my birth dad. I call him "Chuck-daddy." The reason being is his name is Chuck, and he is just funny and said, "you know puff-daddy, well you can call me Chuck-Daddy" It just stuck. Well, like I mentioned in my earlier blog, I never really wanted to meet my birth dad. In a way, I guess this was a blessing in disguise because I had no expectations whatsoever about him. Well, I did but they were all negative ones. So if something good was to come out of it I would have been very surprised. I had been e-mailing Jan for about a month and finally I asked her about my birth dad. All along, I had his name on my adoption paper work my parents gave me, but I always thought it was her name. I found out from her and I's correspondence that she and Chuck had married briefly. In a way, that kind've upset me, because of the fact that if they were going to get married I wish they would have kept me. They did divorce and my parents are still happily married. I keep reminding myself that I am lucky, and I am where I am for a reason. She gave me his first and last name. I am a loan officer at a mortgage company so with his full name and I was guessing a location of where he lived we did a credit check. I believed I had found him!! I found a 46 year old male with the same name. It had to be him. It also showed he owned a company, and I found his company online with a picture of him! He looked EXACTLY like me. That's how easy it was to find him. I couldn't believe it. So, within 1 month I found both of my birthparents. I found them surprisingly easy so I really feel when it's meant to happen it just does. I am a strong believer in God, and I was glad to hear both of my birth parents are christians as well and I know God was the reason behind all of this. So, after I found his website AND his phone number along with his e-mail address I sent him a letter. I have done a lot of research about initial contact and basically what I've read is that the best way is to send a letter. I wrote him and just said that I was born on April 3, 1980..and I had reason to believe he was my birth father. He said he didn't read the whole letter he was so excited and he knew this day would come! This is what his e-mail back to me said.

"Stacy, I am so glad to hear from you. Please call me Chuck. I have looked and even hired a private investigator to find you. On April 3rd every year I would get real bummed out knowing you are out there and not knowing how your life was. I am just glad you are alive and well. Right now I am just trying to soak it all in! I think we need to talk on the phone. I would Love to meet you"

Within an hour of me writing him, he wrote me back. I couldn't believe it. The next day we talked on the phone, and I must say I was really freaked out. I wasn't sure what to do with all of this and all of this emotions thrown at me all at once! Here, my birth mother was somewhat reserved with first contact. She was nice, but very reserved and somewhat defensive. Chuck-daddy wears his heart on his sleeve. I am the same way, but it's hard for me to trust people and I very much fear rejection just like every stereotypical adoptee. I didn't want him to hurt me, and I had no idea if he would or not so I didn't want to get too close. The first thing we said to each other was

Me: Hi Chuck.
Him: Awww I always wondered what your voice sounded like!!! I think I'm going to cry, but I'm a guy and I'm not going to.

It was really cute. We talked for about an hour and then I had to go to work that morning. That Sunday we ended up talking on the phone for about 4 and a half hours. I've heard about this experience with many other adoptees in their blogs where they say they feel a connection right away, and just feel like they don't have to try or belong instantly. I feel that with Chuck. I feel like he accepts me for who I am. I can be goofy, sad, pissed, normal whatever... he accepts me and loves me unconditionally. I can say that even though I did wish I grew up with my birth parents like many adoptees do, just because it is natural, I am so thankful that I had the parents I did. My dad is my dad. He has taken care of me and loved me more than anyone ever could. He has taught me to be a responsible young woman. The only thing is, I just can't be ME I feel like...and that's what I can be with Chuck. It just came naturally. Ever since the day we connected we have almost e-mailed each other everyday. In addition, his side of the family has totally accepted me. His brother, sister and my cousins. It's really nice to feel loved and have similar personalities. I just find it interesting more than anything about the whole nature vs nurture debate. Our face to face contact went about the same...easy and natural. I flew to Iowa to meet him, and he was waiting for me at the airport. I was so nervous and I couldn't wait to get off the plane. I chatted it up with this dad who sat next to me and just prayed that he would keep talking and was hoping he could keep me entertained. (It didn't really work) When we landed, this was an airport where we came down an escalator and I saw him standing there. I knew it was him because in his business he has to wear a tux. How many people wear tuxes in airports? It was such an awkward moment when we first met. We hugged and then I was shaking like crazy and I dropped my purse. I am just so clumsy. This is when I felt a bit apprehensive because as it turned out I was going to be staying with him for 4 days at his house alone. This was quite a gamble, and many people said I shouldn't do it, but I just trust my gut when I go through certain situations. Most of the time I am right. If I had to do it all over again I might have got a hotel room, but afterall this was my dad. I thought I might go crazy because I don't like being around people for an extended period of time. I am an only child as well, and most of my childhood I spent by myself. But, I had such a great time there and was SO surprised. I got to meet my birth grandma (who passed away this January) I was very thankful for that experience. I just felt very close to him to where he knew I didn't like talking a lot in the morning. He knew when I needed a hug he really could read my mind. It was so weird. If I had that when I was growing up my life would have been so much different. Just someone to understand my feelings and emotions. I never had that before. When he took me to the airport to drop me off, I coudn't stop crying because I had finally met my father. I've always been a daddy's girl, but we shared such a special connection. As we were saying goodbye he grabbed my hand and squeezed it. Then he had to let it go. I must say that was much harder than I had anticipated it being. I miss him and can't wait to see him again! He is a very special person that holds a warm spot in my heart. Thanks for reading! This is an e-mail a received after I got home from the visit.

Hi when you get home go to bed and rest! I am all done with this day! For the record I cried when I left you all the way to the car and then some. I felt it was time to cut it off when I did because it felt so hard to let you go again! What a connection we have! I am here for you and I Love you very much! I miss you and so does punkin (that's his cat) hehe