Let me Introduce myself

Hello there for all out there reading. I have changed the format of my blog and am focusing on my feelings about my recent reunion with my birth parents. This is a picture of me (the brunette) after the day I met my birth mother for the first time. I think my story is similar to many others I have read. My experience could have been better, and it also could have been worse. It just wasn't what I expected. I truley believe that miracles do happen and for me it was some sort of divine intervention. I wanted to take this space to chronicle my experience of my reunion so that way I could remember my feelings, emotions, highs and lows. Tonight I feel like talking about the day I reunited with Jan, my birthmom for the first time so I can focus on happy thoughts. Not to say, that every blog is going to focus on happy but tonight I feel like I will put my energy towards that. So here is my story...

It was labor day weekend and I was visiting my adoptive parents down in Houston, Texas for my A-dad's birthday. They knew that I had found Jan, because I did tell them but were not very open about talking about it. That weekend I was going to fly out to Virginia to meet her because my old best friend was getting married out there and it just so happened she lived in the same area I grew up in Virginia. (Another strange coincidence in our meeting) I had so many thoughts and feelings running through my head while I was down there in Houston. Guilt, shame, secrecy,...I felt like I was putting on a facade. Although after my initial meeting with Jan I realize for the most part my whole life was a facade, a sham, a fake picture perfect life with the perfect little house, things, the outside appearance was wonderful but as everyone knows things that "appear" perfect never seem to be. Sorta like Bree on Deperate Housewives. I did a lot of thinking that weekend and was very reflective. Of course my parents did not notice anything was different about me. Sunday September 4th I boarded a plane to Virginia where one of my good friends came to pick me up. I landed at 3:00pm and at 6:00pm I was going to meet the woman who gave birth to me. Even 6 months later, my heart still pounds and it seems so surreal. I always dreamed about meeting her but I never thought the day would come. I remember my hands shaking even getting off the plane. I called Jan about 4:30 to tell her I arrived. The only thing I remember asking her when she answered the phone was, "do you feel like you're going to puke?" She said that she had felt that way all day long. Tiffany, my friend I was staying with ended up leaving and let me be by myself. I sat in silence unable to do anything except stare at the clock. I called my boyfriend Chris back in Texas and started crying. I was so scared and nervous. My palms were sweating, and my head was swirling. I wondered if she would think I am too fat, or ugly. I hoped she would like me and accept me so much. All I wanted to do was impress her. My whole life I wanted to meet this woman, when most people know their mothers their whole life. This felt like it was the most important job interview of my life. Not very many emotions which was surprising but the most nerves I have ever felt in my life. Her car pulled in and I couldn't wait for her to come to the door so I came outside to meet her. There was no crying, no "Maury Povich" moment like everyone makes it out to seem. It was very civilized and nice. She showed up with Gerber daisies which are my favorite flowers and gave me a hug. Not a loving hug, sort of a "formal" hug. I think we are both really good at putting our walls up, and they were definitely up. We decided to go to the four seasons. It was a really weird feeling because I grew up in VA when I was 8-14. Right when she moved to VA I moved out of Va so we just barely crossed paths. She ended up teaching in the same school system I went to school. The thing I remember the most about the evening was the feeling of being proud with her. Just hanging out with my "mom" I can't do that with my A-mom. People kept asking what we were celebrating and she just said it was a very special night and that made me feel so good. We sat at a table and we ordered the same exact meal and drinks. That was weird too. We both like margaritas with extra salt. She then whipped out all of these meaningful gifts.

1) she got me a map so I didn't lose my way to her house
2) A pencil so I wouldn't forget to write her
3) a flashlight so I wouldn't get lost
4) chocolate covered strawberries that she made (which are my fave)
4) a photo album of her through the years

It was such a surreal experience and went so fast I couldn't even remember what we talked about. I just know I didn't want the night to end. It was an incredible four hours of my life. When we got back to my friend's house she gave me a long hug, and said she'll check her e-mail. I was on such a high that night that I couldn't sleep. It was one of the most important lovely days of my life!