Expectations

I think any expectations we have can set us up for disaster whether it being good or bad. When one gets married, most of the time a woman expects that she can change her husband. She thinks or expects the man that once she marries him will all of the sudden become romantic when prior to that he wasn't, will help with the chores around the house or watch chick flicks with her, without rolling his eyes. (yah right) Then the husband expects that his wife won't ever gain weight or will have sex whenever he wants to....haha. I'm not married, but I was just trying to think of some funny examples about expectations in general. You can have certain expectations about an event, an expectation about a trip, a new friend you meet, a new job, a school and the list goes on and on. On every side of the adoption spectrum whether it be an adoptee, adoptive parent, or birthmother we all have expectations that unfortanetly I don't think anyone can live up to... good or bad. This is what I have had a hard time dealing with the most. My expectations of how my parents would react to me finding my birth parents, or more so how my birthmother would feel when I found her. I know when I was researching about reunion, much of the literature said to have some sort of expectation as far as what you want to get out of the reunion. I don't think anyone can truly be prepared for reunion at all because it is not just one event, it is a relationship that will eventually change over time. I think in life we just shouldn't have expectatations for anything because most of the time we get let down. It's sad, but true. Sometimes I feel as though I let my parents down. I'm sure they had so many expectations for me. I'm not saying I'm not a successful person. I have a steady job that pays all of my bills and I'm in grad school, but I can't help but think I don't live up to what they wanted to be in their eyes. Then, I wonder do I live up to the expectations my birth parents envisioned me to be? It feels like a lot of pressure. I guess PRESSURE is the theme of my little own life. I've ALWAYS put pressure on myself. That is why I think if we stop expecting so much out of ourselves and each other and just go with the flow, things would be much easier and everyone would be happier in life. Take things as they come....much easier to say than to do!